You’ve seen the studies on all the so-called benefits of exercise, but perhaps those things don’t apply to you. I mean, does exercising even actually do all that stuff? It could all just be propaganda from the fitness industry trying to sell you another dumbbell. Maybe you don’t need no stinkin’ exercise!

We work with people in over 40 countries who rave about how our home exercise videos improve their quality of life (QOL). You, on the other hand, likely don’t need us, unlike Samantha who wrote, “I feel amazing and strong. I think that’s what I love about your workouts the most. I leave feeling like I am strong and not like I am out of shape and weak.”

Here are 5 reasons you don’t need exercise:

1. You don’t have a heart

“Cardiovascular disease continues to be the leading cause of death among women in the United States, accounting for ~ 1 of every 3 female deaths,” reads the first line of a 2016 abstract in Circulation Research. Of course, a casual google search will reveal that regular exercise dramatically lowers one’s risk of heart disease and is good for blood pressure. You don’t have a heart, though, so this doesn’t apply to you.

2. You don’t have a brain

It’s a medical miracle, but somehow you’ve made it this far in life with no brain. Thus, you don’t have a care in the world about your mental health. Psychology Today published an article in March of 2018 titled “Why Exercise Is So Essential To Mental Health” which said, “On the treatment side, exercise appears to be as good as existing pharmacological interventions across a range of conditions, such as mild to moderate depression, dementia, and anxiety, and even reduces cognitive issues in schizophrenia.” But you don’t have a frontal cortex, and you probably don’t have a family history of Alzheimer’s, either — and you’ve never dealt with anxiety or depression, so you’re good on the couch!

Confession: I have dealt with both anxiety and depression. I shared my story here in this blog, you know, just in case you know someone it might help. Regular, moderate exercise has been a huge part of my recovery, but I have a brain that needs it. Perhaps you do not, or your brain is totally peaceful and joy-filled all the time.

3. You don’t need sleep

You’re a rare beauty who doesn’t need rest due to endless energy. You can happily miss a night of sleep and feel fabulous. You can lay around all day, then lay wide awake at night — solving all the world’s problems in that brainless head of yours — and then lay around the next day and somehow not feel like a sick slug. This poll by the National Sleep Foundation found that exercisers say they sleep better, and exercising at any time of day — even before bed — improved sleep. However, insomnia is your best friend, so I’ll let this one rest.

Look for our Bedtime Routines in our A-Z path

4. You’ve already got smooth moves

Um, I don’t mean the way you expertly execute exercises — rather, I’m referring to your bowel movements. Ever heard of the Bristol Stool Chart? Probably not, because you have such great poops and zero digestive issues. Thus, you won’t be at all interested in how exercise can help with constipation, or how a strong, coordinated core helps with poo, too! We recorded a whole Fit2B Radio podcast about constipation with renowned pelvic floor physiotherapist Michelle Lyons; and I think listening to it should be a firm #2 on your to-do list, but, oh well.

5. No one else depends on your strength

You don’t have to carry multiple bags of groceries while also holding a small hand or pet leash. Your community doesn’t need volunteers. Your family doesn’t need your ability to do all the things and hold your home together.

Stop.

I need to stop.

I can’t keep going.

I can’t even finish that line of thinking and be facetious about that one, because it’s such a falsehood.

You are desperately needed. Whether you have a brain or not, you surely know that if you lost your ability to move tomorrow, many things would go sideways. Many people would be needed to fill in for all the motions you make each day as you serve your family and friends.

You need to exercise, friend. You need your body to be strong for all the tasks you have, so that those tasks don’t wear you down, so all the crazy in your life doesn’t wear you down because — to clarify and add to what I already so cheekily wrote — exercising has been shown to improve all of the following:

• Fetal birth weight
• Sleep
• Tone
• Strength
• Posture
• Flexibility
• Energy
• Hormone balance
• Mood
• Bone density
• Mental Health
• Constipation
• Digestion
• Birth outcomes

Exercise fights the following diseases and helps manage their symptoms and long term outcomes:

• Osteoporosis
• Diabetes
• Heart Disease
• Stroke
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Breast Cancer
• Substance Addiction (i.e. alcoholism, opioid addiction… yes, they are considered diseases)

Did you notice what I didn’t even mention? The thing most fitness industries push? What am I not selling you here?

A bikini body or sexy six pack.

It’s not even on the radar of this post, until now, and I’m going to let it just blip-bleep-bloop right on by. Because I think the way to have a bikini body is to buy a bikini (if you’re into them) and wear it proudly. I’m a tankini mama, myself.

Fitness is about keeping my clothes fitting, sure, but it’s MORE about my long term goals of staying smart, staying healthy, staying strong, and staying smooth … if you know what I mean. 😉

How about you? Why do you exercise? What actually TRULY motivates you to keep moving?

(I’m talking about your workouts now, not your bowel movements. Please don’t leave comments about those. Send those to our constipation expert friend, Michelle Lyons 😉